Category: Uncategorized

We don’t realize that our days could be so volatile.

Yesterday, I didn’t sleep at night but had a perfect beginning to my day. And then suddenly, some was said which brought me down (for few seconds only). It led to this –

All this while, I kept thinking
you could see my cracks
and you stayed away
to not want to plaster them.
But I didn’t realize,
you weren’t repulsed by the cracks
but the fact that I was standing
despite them
and not lying broken on floor.

But because I am in a much better place than where I used to be few months back, I let this go, like I do with almost all things. Letting go has been my only option.

I slept during the day peacefully, content and positive that this day would be nothing but perfect. And then suddenly my pyramid of responsibility started shaking. I had a what you call a professional disaster. I know there is no point obsessing over it because what’s done is done. But I still can’t grasp, how quickly things can go wrong and this scenario being one of the low intensity wrongs.

As always, I turn to you for comfort though. And now this is where I stand –

I’m never alone in this one man place,
where I create thoughts no one can see.
Because you are so rooted so deep inside it
that all the chaos my thoughts create
can barely touch you –
you stay there, firm and alive and standing.
The world may crumble around me,
but I know you won’t,
atleast not inside me,
atleast not this version of you.

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Nights are easy,
for they come with
a sense of tranquility.
The fears melt into darkness
because I learnt to embrace the dark
long before the shadows started appearing.

But, the days are tough,
for they are a constant reminder
that the dreams are not a part of my reality.
The cushions I used to help me sleep
are just accomplices to the inner demons
who prepare to haunt, after a peaceful sleep.

© seekingmypeace

For the first time, I saw how tiny I am in your eyes. I have failed to earn any respect, recognition, love, wonder or anything in you. And I am writing this because I need this written somewhere so I can re-read this and remember this. It’s important for me to fully let go. The only thing I am super super glad about is that my feelings have been conveyed ( I was still unsure till yesterday!). I am glad you know how I feel about you – that will never change, that can never change and it gives me a lot of relief to know you heard that. I am not saying that you don’t value me as a person in your life, but I saw my true value in those eyes – it was really really tiny. And I am not even sad because this only helps me accept things more easily. But… But I don’t know.

I love you with all my heart and might. I love you.

I know you cry behind those walls.
They are not as thick as you think.
They are not weak, they are strong,
but they can turn transparent on me.
Can you see what they can see?
Can you see what they can’t see?
They can lie well enough,
but is it worth it to keep them lying?
Will you be able to tell later,
that this is a lie to protect you, or fool you?

Ted was absolutely right. When we fall in love with someone or when we are in a relationship, we get to know them inside out. We do so much research on them and knowing every little detail is fascinating and important. And that all goes to waste when we break up with them or when they cease to exist in our lives. I know I want to retain your memories forever even though they will bring pain. But knowing you has been the best time of my life and I can’t ever want to forget that. This period is so confusing and endearing and traumatizing and I don’t know if this is how it will be from now on, but I’d like to tell myself this – this too shall pass. But you know what? I don’t want it to pass if this is the closest I’m gonna be of you.

#Mondaymorningrant

I don’t know what else to do when I miss you so much, so some rant here ❤️

As I get closer to me,
I get further away from world;
there is a safe place
that keeps calling out to me.
I know I will choose it,
like you did a while back.
The only difference is
you got there because of a heartbreak
and I am getting here by falling in love ❤️

© seekingmypeace

Another day,
another disappoinment.
They hurt less now,
until they start hurting more.
Because how could they not?
My expectations can’t nearly reduce
as rapidly as my love for you increases
each day, with each breath ……………….